Meanwhile, I’m also going to tinker around with another hobby of mine to try to make some money on the side… scrapbooking. There is a local studio tied to an art gallery that has very cheap per day rent, so I’m going to host a couple “how to” workshops in the next couple of months and see how they go! Nothing to lose, just sharing something fun with other ladies and hopefully making a little extra on the side. Thought it might be another diversion from the normal routine.

I still have the art gallery bug from everything that happened earlier this year (and actually have my sights on a space in Melbourne) but it will have to wait for now. That one’s a little harder to accomplish financially in the short term (not due to lack of good, willing artists though!). Perhaps when the economy gets better I’ll look for investors again.

There’s a lot going on, but its all fun stuff. I had so many ideas swimming around, and needed to play with a few. I’m not insane, am I? It’s better than watching tv at night I think, lol….

I just finished a week-long “stay-cation” – something I’ve been needing for some time. I had plenty of time off to spare at work, and I was feeling completely burned out by life – career, home, kids. Considering we are limited on leisure dollars at the moment, it didn’t make sense to plan an elaborate getaway with the entire family, and it hardly seemed fair to leave town for a week and leave my husband with 100% of the responsibilities. So I decided to take a week off – just for me – and it turned out to be the best week I’ve had in a very long time!

For anyone that doesn’t know me, my kids are 2 and 5, so my 2-year old son is in daycare and my 5-year old daughter is home for the summer. My husband also works from home, so I made sure to let him know my plans for taking a week “off.” I started the week with a day at the beach (one of four throughout the 8 days) and really reconnected with it. There is something so completely therapeutic about the beach and I really enjoyed it. Then, I took a day to get my hair done and get a massage and a pedicure (TIP: I went to a local massage school and got GREAT prices on services that you would have to pay top dollar for at a high-end spa!). I did a little shopping on another day and saw a movie (yes, some money is spent on all this, but it’s minimal in comparison to a family vacation!!). I even took a day WITH the family and headed to Disney. Watching my 2-year old experience the Magic Kingdom for the first time was priceless. On another day, I took a yoga class at the local gym and got a great workout.

After the kids went to bed at night, I’d take a hot bath, sip some tea, read a magazine or catch up on DVR shows…

Today, as I prepare to hit the grind of work again tomorrow, I’m feeling very well rested… not to mention pampered and happy. It’s going to be hard to go back to work, but I have to say, it will be with a renewed spirit. And this week of bliss didn’t cost me all that much!

In this economy, and knowing the hectic schedules of all us mothers, I’d highly recommend considering a “stay-cation” of your own if you haven’t done one lately. Even if it’s only a couple of days. And don’t forget to take naps!! Really enjoy your time. I guarantee you’ll feel rejuvenated once you’re through – and you’ll also make a much less stressed out mom and wife! Everyone wins.

Today, I watched the Space Shuttle land at Kennedy Space Center. My job is cool, by many standards. I’ve always been pretty lucky – finding corporate-type jobs in my field that pay respectably. When I was in high school and college, it seemed that I was destined for a career that involved writing and working with the media in some fashion. So here I am, doing just that, and still not “feeling it.” I remember really loving my job in the past… but I think that was before the reality of corporate politics and executive-level drama set in. Seems that every three years I get this itch to move to a new job that I hope will make me feel fulfilled, but it never seems to happen.

The first few months of this year were the most exciting I’ve had in some time. The thrill of a new start – something completely different – a creative business adventure that I could help steer the destiny of. There were good, solid reasons as to why that particular scenario wasn’t meant to be right now, yet the experience completely changed me. I can’t seem to get through my daily work cycle without daydreaming about doing something entrepreneurial. And something that doesn’t have any type of serious impact on the world. Be a freelance travel writer (my dream job forever!), run a scrapbook store, an art gallery, a coffee shop. Am I nuts? What the hell is going on around here!? Snap out of it!

I’ve been trying to reconnect with my spiritual side as much as possible these days, thinking it will help fill the void. More time at church, more yoga, running, scrapbooking, leisure reading… yet I’m having the same problem everyday. And it’s taking its toll on me – physically and emotionally – as those who are closest to me can attest to. I just can’t seem to stop daydreaming about what is possible!

So now what? I have a family to support! Bills to pay! I can’t just run off and start writing stories about my travels and trying to sell them to magazines! I can’t start teaching crafty women how to explore their creative sides and learn how to scrapbook. I can’t sell coffee for a living!

Yet there is a part of me that also says I can’t keep doing what I’m doing. It’s the financially stable choice, but it’s not the one that makes me happy ultimately. I want to know what my friends and family think I should do. I have always respected the opinions of those I love – and to be honest – I need HELP! I feel completely lost these days!!

This weekend really helped me collect my thoughts about everything and start the week with a new perspective. We spent some time at the beach with the kids and some friends - which always seems so therapeutic. I do love Melbourne, and needless to say, our families are thrilled that we’re staying. I’m already working on getting Sam into a great school and Tom has some promising leads on the job front. I think we’re going to be just fine… and who’s to say we can’t pursue this dream a little later on?

For now, creating a solid foundation for our family is key. So… we move on to the next chapter! (…and thanks to everyone who came along on this crazy ride with us. Your support always means so much to both of us…)

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t heartbroken. I am. I’ve been daydreaming about this adventure for months now. Planning my escape from Corporate America. Forging relationships with unbelievably talented artists. Feeling the thrill of finally being my own boss. However… it looks like now just isn’t the right time for this dream to be realized.

So… as I figure out how to “undo” all that has been done, and heal my temporarily broken spirit, I can at least focus on what’s next – what’s certain. Getting Sam registered for Kindergarten. Helping Tom find the right job. Letting our families know (what they will consider to be) the “good news…” that we are staying.

Meanwhile, the Key West dream could happen down the line… you never know. I discovered one thing during this process I didn’t realize before… I definitely have the entrepreneurial spirit. I didn’t know how daring I was willing to be. Perhaps that was the lesson here… I don’t know. I have to believe that this is all part of the grand plan.

Now it’s time to pick up and move forward. Even though it’s not exactly what I envisioned it would be… life is still good. I have an amazing family and continual good fortune. I know the blessings will only continue.

Just wanted to let you know that we’re going to hold off on the KW updates for now… we are concerned about information getting into the wrong hands…

We’ll be happy to keep you posted on a personal level for now… more blogs to come in the near future. -Me

Seems like I’m constantly struggling with feelings of “missing the old days” when I had the freedom to travel, wake up at noon, stay out late, etc. I don’t miss college “dancing and drinking all night” stuff, or the 20′s “date a new guy every week” syndrome, I just miss having the freedom to do the things I love, whenever I want to do them.

Then I look at my beautiful family. I have two amazing, healthy children. They are fantastic personalities… regularly charming all those that get to know them. They make me tired and frustrated (and did I mention tired?), but at the same time, I simply can’t imagine life without them. The love I have for these kids is ridiculous. I would step in front of a train for them anyday.

The hubby is a good man – strong and creative, caring and no strange vices. He is emotionally stable, completely trusting and is a good dad. I know he misses the freedom oftentimes too.

I assume this is something every parent struggles with right? I’ve met many parents that just seem burned out. Sometimes I have to admit, I envy my single friends who talk about their travels and adventures in life, while I know I’m going home from job #1 to job #2… cooking dinner, bathtime, bedtime, laundry, etc. But then I know they are lonely too… I try to remember that when I long for the extended periods of solitude that my current life cannot afford.

Overall, I have NO regrets and feel extremely fortunate. I’m a white picket fence away from being the American nuclear family. So… am I just asking for the impossible? Selfishly longing for more “me time” and less “mom and work time?” Just saying that makes me feel guilty! Damn that inbred Catholicism!

Anyway, as I approach my once-a-year anniversary weekend in Key West – the 4 days I LIVE for every year – I wonder if it’s possible to find a real balance. To be 110% happy, well-rested, completely fulfilled in every way, the perfect mom, wife and employee, and to not dread vacations that come to an end…

So last week I had my first session. It was really interesting. I guess I expected to not remember anything afterward, but I remembered all of it. Now they say hypnosis can only work if you WANT to be hypnotized, and I did. I also learned a lot of visualization techniques through yoga and meditation instruction in the past, so when the doc took me through a 10-step immersion into the hypnotic state, I visualized dropping from one floor to the next on an elevator, as he instructed. Then the door opened, and I was in my “happy place” that we’d rehearsed the week before. The place I feel calm, stress free, secure… for me, it’s oceanfront, sitting on a white Key West-style patio on a wicker chair with ottoman, looking out at the sun reflecting off the water. There is a slight breeze and I am alone, totally at peace.

So I’m in my happy place and the doc starts talking to me about food addiction. Basically using a calm and reassuring voice to tell me that I need a coping mechanism that isn’t detrimental to my health. That I will have a dream in the coming week to give me an idea on what I need to replace the harmful behavior with. He starts talking about the acorn that becomes the mighty oak, strong and confident, only soaking up the nutrients it needs and no more. There are a lot of these types of stories, some seem cliche and make me want to giggle, but I don’t. He tells me that when I go to binge again I will mentally say “enough” when I’ve had enough…

The session was interesting. I got emotional during some parts of it, kept my eyes closed and kept visualizing the things he asked me to. When we were done, I felt peaceful and he told me (for the 2nd time) that I was “gifted” at this. I’m not sure what in the world that means, except that I didn’t fight the experience. I have to be honest, I was a little disappointed that I remembered everything – I was imagining it would be like waking up from a long sleep. But no.

So its been a week.  I haven’t had that dream yet – the one that gives me advice on how to cope in a more healthful way – as a matter of fact, the only dream I had contained a mystery figure that called me “well fed” as I walked by (I have NO IDEA what the heck that meant but it made me laugh when I woke up). I’ve had a few situations in the past week where I overindulged, but on the whole was pretty controlled (there was no magic voice in my head that said “enough” during those binges, by the way). I’m wondering if the reason I wasn’t as bad as usual is simply because I talked about the topic at length with a therapist, or if it was the hypnosis. Tomorrow night is my next session.

Like I said, I’m totally open to this type of therapy and believes it works for people, but wondering if it’s going to work on me. I wish I knew some people who had tried this to see what their experience was and to see if mine was typical. Before I wrote this blog tonight I looked on Google for images of hypnotherapy to include in the post and just found all those cheesy shots you see of masses of people in church falling to the ground. Not exactly my experience.

Anyway, I guess we’ll see what happens tomorrow night. I’m sure this isn’t a one shot deal, where you do it once and you’re “cured.” I guess I just expected something a little different. Curious…

Benji the Dog

In December of last year, we adopted Benji from the Orlando SPCA. We had been looking for a dog and decided to take the kids to the shelter to see what there was there. My daughter immediately bonded with Benji, so I knew this was the right dog for us, since she tends to have fear of dogs.

What I initially wanted was a “watchdog” of sorts… one that would look and sounds potentially ferocious, but was really a teddy bear inside. I can’t believe how we lucked out with Benji.

And now that nearly a year has passed, I’ve realized why I feel such a bond with this dog.  He is ME in dog form! I’ve heard that people and their dogs become alike after a while, but in this case, I think we came with the similarities built in.

First of all, Benji is a “mutt.” We think there may be a little boxer, pitt, shepard, chow, but not really sure. He has a brindle coat and looks like a tiger, but you can see a little pitt in his face (although his temperment is quite the opposite!!). So people look at him inquisitively asking “What IS he?” Kinda like the look I get on a regular basis as a 5’9″ 1/2 Japanese, 1/2 Italian “mixed breed” myself!

Then there’s the cuddly nature of this dog. He doesn’t just like to snuggle. He LOVES it. He truly believes he is a lap dog, even at about 50 pounds. He lays ON us and must be touching me at all times. Even in the bed at night (which he hogs) he always has a paw touching me. I’m a snuggler myself. Actually, I recently read the “5 Love Languages” book, which just proved the point that I am a person that feels love through touch. Since my kids can’t sit still for 2 seconds and my husband is a furnace, Benji and I seem to get our common need for snuggles through each other.

Then there’s the way he wants to please. All the time. 110%. I’ve been told I’m this way as well, even if I don’t always suceed!

Even when it comes to the kids… he has this ridiculous patience with them and their falling all over him, pulling on him, dropping things on him. But every once in a while he shoots a look at my son (the crazy 2-year-old) that shows he’s “had enough.” Kinda like me. lol.

In all, I’m thankful for Benji in our lives. He is a blessing – a great addition to the family. I never realized I was a dog person until he came along. And now I can’t imagine life without him.